My Journey to Self-Love
Due to trauma in my youth, I developed a negative self-image and unhealthy coping mechanisms, including self-loathing, which made it difficult to love myself and others. My limiting belief of my self told me I was shameful, that I should feel guilt, and to fear the future. This false narrative fostered detrimental choices, leading me to use alcohol and drugs to dissociate from this limiting definition of my self. For 40 years, Alcoholics Anonymous has been an essential support for me—a spiritual program where I openly confront and discuss my limiting perception. It has normalized these conversations, using vulnerability and courage to alleviate these falsehoods and redefine my identity.
I recognized my addiction as both a disease and a way to escape childhood pain that I couldn't control. As I learned more about this pain and its origins, I was able to stop inflicting it upon myself and others. I began to ask myself what had actually happened and what story had I attached to that experience. Much of the story, I discovered, was false. Once I understood this, I took responsibility for my discomfort, realizing I had a choice. This helped me recognize that I was using alcohol to seek my true self externally. I had become reliant on the outside world to feel something—anything—operating in survival mode. Joy and happiness couldn’t exist in that place.
Today, I refuse to let my past circumstances define who I am. I am the creator of my own reality, connected to my higher self. From this place, my truest self, joy and happiness flow freely and limitlessly. I am bathed in love and kindness, which remains unwavering. The outside world does not affect these internal truths.
Recently, I was struck by a comment in a text thread where someone described their upcoming adventures with excitement, only to be labeled as "humble bragging." When did society start labeling sharing excitement and joy as bragging, even when done humbly? Do you find yourself holding back your joy for fear of judgment? This incident prompted me to reflect on my journey toward self-love and finding joy in everything I do. I want to share my happiness genuinely without fear of judgment. It’s about authenticity for me—expressing what I truly feel without tailoring my conversations to please others or spare their feelings. Everyone deserves to feel joy and excitement; no one should feel left out or unworthy of happiness.
Moving forward, I’m committed to trusting my instincts and continuing my self-care journey. Sharing my excitement brings more joy to myself and others, and I refuse to suppress it. What’s exciting in your life? What brings you joy? Recently, I celebrated the continuation of Bridgerton—it might not resonate with everyone, but it brought immense joy to my world. While I can't control others' reactions or judgments, I can focus on spreading love and positivity through my actions and words. This journey may evolve, but for now, embracing and sharing my joy feels right.
If this resonates with you, send me a message so we can continue to normalize conversations like this. Together, we can use vulnerability and courage to dispel falsehoods and redefine your identity.